Longest Night

I have a great life in many ways. I have a wonderful partner, meaningful work, and three intelligent, (mostly) well behaved children. Like most people I put my best foot forward when I talk to folks. In this era of social media, it’s very easy to curate your image, and I certainly am guilty of posting pictures of my kids smiling, parts of my home that appear clean and organized, and lately I’ve become one of those guys that shares photos of food I make, which I never thought I would be.

Many people look at my life and think I’ve got it all together.

Here’s the thing, though, I don’t have it all together. No one does. Everybody struggles. This year where we’ve all been in quarantine, where many of us have had to learn how to do our work and supervise our kids’ online school simultaneously, where news about vaccines is both encouraging and exhausting because of how long it’s going to take many of us to get it; this year has been tough.

I have wrestled with depression and anxiety all my life, and 2020 hasn’t made things easier. I have days in a row where it’s difficult to get up off the couch, where nothing can convince me it will get any better. Even as I write this my heart is pounding because my 9 year old is throwing a fit about not getting enough attention from her mother. I’m a caregiver by nature and not being able to help triggers me.

Photo by Cliford Mervil on Pexels.com

I’m not writing this to get anyone to feel bad for me, because I work every day with people who have struggles I can’t imagine, and the heroes who dedicate their lives to relieve suffering in the world. 

I’m writing this to remind us all, and me, that’s it’s OK not to be OK. It’s OK to name that you’re not OK and let other people support you.

Tonight is the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year. It reminds us that while there may be very little light in our lives right now, each day a little more starts to creep in

I may not be OK right now, but I’m clinging to my faith, which tells me that it will, indeed, be OK.

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